Regruntled.com

Narcissism: when one grows too old to believe in one’s uniqueness, one falls in love with one’s complexity (John Fowles)

I’m reading The Ego Boom, by Steve Maich and Lianne George.  Has it really been 30 years since Christopher Lasch’s The Culture of Narcissism?  Maich and George bring the narcissism theme up to date.

Information technology makes possible mass customization, which enables an illusory sort of narcissism.  Everyone is special, so everyone deserves a customized coffee or a customized burger.  We passively select from a menu of choices designed by someone else, and gain the illusion of having done something creative.

JumpSnap is a ropeless jump rope.  I thought it was a spoof, but apparently not.  In a way, this is an interesting idea… no rope to trip on, and you can use it in rooms with low ceilings.  The device makes a snapping sound to simulate the rope.

On the other hand, it seems like a ridiculous over-complication of something simple.  I know this is a radical idea, but if you’re going to pretend to jump rope, why not just pretend to jump rope?  Save $50, make your own snapping sounds.

Nadine Jarvis of the UK proposes to make pencils out of the remains of people who are cremated.  There’s no order page, so I assume the pencils are still being beta tested.

Each pencil is foil stamped with the name of the person. Only one pencil can be removed at a time, it is then sharpened back into the box causing the sharpenings to occupy the space of the used pencils. Over time the pencil box fills with sharpenings - a new ash, transforming it into an urn. The window acts as a timeline, showing you the amount of pencils left as time goes by.

So I’m buying a paper shredder at Office Max.  The sales-weasel tries to upsell me to a heavy duty shredder, then he starts telling me how important it is to lubricate the shredder regularly with a specially formulated shredder oil.  Shredder oil?  I never oiled my old shredder.  Maybe if I had, it would have lasted longer than 10 years.  My bad.  Then he tells me that the oil is kinda messy, and what I really need is some convenient shredder lubricant sheets, only $9.99 for a pack of 14.  Note that this is an order of magnitude more expensive per application than squirting a few drops of oil.

And what exactly is shredder oil, anyway?  From the Material Safety Data Sheet (MSDS):

But not just any vegetable oil!  This is oil from vegetables that have been genetically engineered to produce oil with exactly the right viscosity for maximum shredder performance.

I was reading Revolution in a Bottle: How TerraCycle is Redefining Green Business.  Here’s how it works: Kraft Foods makes Capri Sun, many varieties of “juice drinks”, “flavored water beverages”, and  “100% juice”.  Things that can’t legally be advertised as “fruit juice” because they aren’t, but which can be advertised as “wholesome”, because, well, just because.  Kraft markets Capri Sun to kids, who pester their parents into buying the drinks.

The drink pouches are mixed plastic and metal foil, so they can’t be recycled as either plastic or metal.  Billions of these pouches end up in landfills every year.

TerraCycle organizes the kids into “drink pouch brigades” (I am not making this up).   and donates 2 cents to charity for each pouch sent in.  TerraCycle then remanufactures the pouches into things like pencil cases and messenger bags.  In other words, consumer products that can be marketed to kids!

Every year BILLIONS of drink pouches end up in dumpsters and landfills across America. TerraCycle, Capri Sun and Honest Kids are working together to put an end to this awful loss of resources. As an eco-friendly innovator, TerraCycle converts the used drink pouches into unique fashion bags, tote bags, pencil cases, and other items for kids and adults! TerraCycle is proud to team up with the largest producer of drink pouches in the country, Capri Sun, and a young organic entry into the market, Honest Kids, to help address this problem! Together with your help we CAN make a difference!

Meanwhile, there are at least two blindingly obvious design solutions to the landfill problem.  One is that Kraft, perhaps out of a sense of civic responsibility, could make recyclable or biodegradable containers.  OK, maybe that’s too preposterous, but there’s an even simpler solution: parents could buy half-gallon cartons of actual fruit juice and pour it into reusable, lunch-sized bottles.  Sure, it’s a lot of work, but, ounce for ounce, actual fruit juice in half-gallon cartons  is about half the price of individual servings of flavored water beverage. 

I saw an ad for a homeopathic remedy for joint pain in dogs and cats.  Just how might this work?

• Placebo effect on pet: the pet sees that he’s being fussed over and feels better.
• Placebo effect on owner: the owner feels better because he’s fussing over his pet.
• Second-hand placebo effect on pet: the pet sees that owner feels better and then feels better himself.

I’ve been reading about Critical Discourse Analysis and thought I’d apply it to a recent letter from my bank.

Account Information Enclosed

Sounds important, doesn’t it?  Better open it.  The letter actually contains checks for cash advances from my credit card.  The letter mentions the last 4 digits of my account number, so I suppose it does contain some account information.

Access your funds with ease.

This suggests that the money is already “mine” and is just waiting for me to spend it.  The theme of ease is reinforced with phrases like “simply use”, “an easy way”, and “in two easy steps”.  Of course, I haven’t borrowed it yet, so it’s not mine, it’s the bank’s.

This may give you the ability and flexibility to do what you want when you want.

Freedom!  This is reinforced with “make the most of your account” and “you can benefit”.  Of course, going into debt is the exact opposite of freedom. 

New 4.99% Promotional APR

This is psychological pricing.  Come on, it’s 5 percent!

(Transaction fees apply.  See left panel for details.)

Some  very small print says there’s a transaction fee of 4%.  The promotional APR expires after 6 months, so it’s really 8% annualized.    (Actually more than 8%, because the fee comes off the top, while my balance declines with each payment.)  Look what they’ve done.  They just offered to lend me money at over 13% while making it sound like 4-point-something.

Save More

This is reinforced with “continue to save” by using all three check instead of just one.    The bank quotes two rates, the standard rate and the promotional rate, and offers me the lower rate, thereby allowing me to “save”.  Of course, at either rate, borrowing is the exact opposite of saving.

Write a check today

Urgency is reinforced with “call today” and an expiration date on the checks.

We can help with your cash needs.

The framing is insidious.  “Needs” suggests that I have a problem and need to be “helped”.  Of course, they have access to my credit report and if I really did need help, they wouldn’t have sent me the letter.

So:  an offer to lend me money at 13%.  They deliberately try to mislead me as to how much it costs to borrow the money.  (”Borrow” appears only once, in the fine print, and “debt” is never mentioned.)  But they’re going to “help” me by making it easy to access “my” money.  Save by borrowing!  Set yourself free by going into debt!  Easy!  Write a check today!

Bacon Camp has instructions for making a a bacone, like an ice cream cone, except made out of bacon.

Fill the Bacone with a mixture of scrambled eggs, hash browns, and cheese (I use colby jack). Fill the Bacone until almost full and add a layer of country gravy. Atop the gravy, add a biscuit.

Wait a minute… Bacon Camp?  How come I never went to Bacon Camp?  I feel so deprived.

Corrupted-Files.com offers Microsoft Word files that are guaranteed not to open on a PC or a Mac.  The idea is that a student who is up against a deadline for an assignment can turn in a corrupted file, and get a few extra days to work on the paper before the instructor notices.

This download includes a 2, 5, 10, 20, 30 and 40 page corrupted Word file. Use the appropriate file size to match each assignment. Who’s to say your 10 page paper didn’t get corrupted? Exactly! No one can! Its the perfect excuse to buy yourself extra time and not hand in a garbage paper. Cheating is not the answer to procrastination!  - Corrupted-Files.com is!

The problem is that if the instructor opens both files in a hex editor, he will see that the files are unrelated.  One is not a damaged version of the other.